I recently found myself trying to keep up with the new disposable fashion trend. Tights, bell tops and the such. One day not so long ago, about a week ago come to think of it…. i was faced with a new challenge. My existing boots were just not cutting it in the new Cottonmouth dominated lady infested waters of everyday life, due to this sad sad reality i was faced with the age old ‘shape up or ship out” syndrome. Staring sadly down at my favorite pair of boots, i sighed a deep defeated bellow and set out on my journey.

No amount of preparation could ever ready you for the fashion battle of picking a decent pair of shoes, let alone boots, would bring forth. Cottonmouth ladies love the just under the knee not quite porn star horse riding type boot for this winters trend. Ladies all alike are wearing them, this leading me to my decision of replacing old faithfuls with these new fiends. 

Credit card in hand, cellphone in the other offcourse, I set out on my journey. Determined not to go home, like on so many of these occasions, with nothing! Shoes shop after shoes shop, department store after wannabe fashion store would leave me…. with nothing! Where had they all gone? Why was this happening to me again? yet determined I was, I refused to go home with nothing. I would find a decent pair of fashionable boots whether it killed me or not. 

Aching feet, sore back and very little patience later found me in front of a shoe rack where a glimmer of hope existed. Could this be it? Could I have finally found the boots that would soon call the dark bottom of my closet home? It must have been exhaustion that led to me trying the fiends on, deciding with Glee that I had to have them and swiping my faithful plastic.  They were now mine! I had conquered my goal and would soon join the Cotton mouths with their happy smiles and tasteful shoe delights….

As soon as possible, where weather allowed me to wear my new beauties without being deemed a “freak”, I went to the world in all my booted glory. All to find i had been wrong once again, my not quite mid calf heel to long weird denim blue boots were gawked at in horror…. My delight squashed, my battle drums now dulled to a soft whimper I had done it again! Another pair of shoes to add to the dredges and sent off to the hull and all because the heel was just a bit too long, the length a bit too short….not cottonmouth enough…..


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